really need to cry this one out...

so these past few days ive been super emotional. i keep crying and,... i feel so bad because idky im that upset. so ive figured it out. someone suggested i was begining to finally have postpartum depression, (i had a lil of that in the hospital) and i just need some time, but after talking to a friend and joining my ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network ) Chapter in Roanoke. i am healing. my cesearean section was a terrifying, and painful memory and that as much as i would like for it to fade, i have a permenant scar to look down upon, that may affect if i will ever be able to have children naturally... ive been told instead of saying its already been 7 months i should look at it like its only been 7 months.i havent really given myself any time physically or emotionally to heal from a major pain in my life.
I am mad at myself for going along with induction without knowing all the facts...i am mad at myself for being mad at myself...i hate my labor with a passion...i love my son though. and my c-section saved his life and mine...im the luckiest person alive to have such a wonderful and beautiful angel...but i still cant get over hating my labor... so as much as it hurts im trying...i need support and for some reason all the people who are supposed to help me through the hard times in my life, cant realize how bad or how much ive been hurt and they dont realize that what they are doing to me, ...only hurts more... so to the people who get where im coming from and your doing better...id like to know...how do you do it? how do you hold it in?
its not hard to hold all the pain you really feel inside your body...
what hurts is when it all comes spilling out for everyone to see...
well i cant do it anymore...
thanks...i guess i just really needed that out...