Last Night, thank you :)

anyone can read bt this post is expecailly for - if i txtd you or talkd to you at all last night about my pepa& prayer, please read, this is 4 u




no one looks forward to death. but ive been a couple feet away from it...and if you dont fear death it is peaceful...easy. when your fear death and are scared...its painful. you feel it, like a weight that crushes down, for me it was like watching my life fall apart...thinking im really to young to die. i still have college to go to, my son to raise, people who count on me...earlier this year, id lost touch with my christianity and if id have died i honestly dont know where i would've gone...but god saved my life. he kept me here because it wasnt my time...re-living that expeirience with the upcoming first birthday in loom and of course just the day to day look back and its a terrible thing to plague my self with everday...i know that when my grandfather does die he will go straight to heavan...but im not ready to lose him...he maybe ready but im being selfish...my reminders of what happened to me are what fuel my fear of death...i talked to a close friend, one of the last ones i have left and he made me realize putting myself and my sicknesss last wont help, i need myself healthy for to raise my son properly...he helps ease my fear but death still looms in the back of mind...


my grandfather is doing alot better, though he isnt in the best shape, he is in a better condition than earlier and id like to take a moment to thank some people for their prayers...

a specail thanks to Miranda and kelei, thank you for always being the one to make me laugh even when i felt shitty, if you were a guy...oh man lol, thanks to peyton who has been my best friend since grade school, Jade my god-sister, Ashley Haley and her family, Christy and Tam whom i have grown very close to, Lorna - Javis mommy, Mandy- J.babys mommy and another close friendof mine, Kaylee crabtree whom is an important part of me too, whether its acknowledged or not, Manisha and Tamar- friends from pittsburg :), Karissa and Rakayah-karissa who is also like my sister, Kayla Schooch- a wonderful mother and has assured me she will always be there if prayer and comfort is needed, Karee, and Chasity Jameshia for being the very first person to express her willingness to comfort a complete stranger :) and to the others who acknowledged the text but didnt reply for some reason or another i still thank you for acknowledging the text, everyones prayers and comfort are what keep me strong,

and though i just asked prayer for my grandfathr, i ask you guys now simply for prayers for myself...im going through my own rut and i need guidance and knowledge...

thank you everyone. i am so so so blessed to have people like you guys in my life. may god bless you a thousand times in return :)

ps- only if i was neglagent and forgot your name and you texted or called me back regarding a text like this and i didnt include your name, message me and your name will be added...