Dear Xa'Kaevyan...

so as i pointed out today in my status and mood, You, my precious boy, learned to clap yesterday and your now 9 months old :) my gorgeous boy...in your baby book i remember talking to cory about it, but in the very back theres a place for mommy to write a letter to you and a place for daddy to write a letter to you...and though my letter will be close to a gbazillion pages long i always want you to know...you are the best miracle ive ever been blessed with Xa'Kaevyan Kohl Carpenter...out of all the choices ive made for my life, i would never not even once think about taking you back...i would go through all the hurt and the pain and the sleepless nights and i smile now as i remember and i know, you my angel bear are worth it all. i honestly didnt think i could ever love someone as i love you...when i try and look to the future i see so many different roads ahead, and im trying with gods help to stay on the path that shows the best life for you......cory once suggested to me, adoption...and no sooner did he get the first syllabe out i wanted to jump over that seat and strangle him. i believe now that as much as he says it was only what he thought was best, i really think he was trying to have you gone so he wouldnt hve to think about you...i would tell you that he wants to see you and be around you but id be lying...if he wanted to be within any perimeter of you he would come see you...but he doesnt. i know he loves you...but he is still growig into his role and maybe one day he will be better suited for it...as for me, the first sonogram i laid eyes on to, i knew you would always be mine. and when you were born, god gave me you healthy...and hes been gracious enough to bless me with you, the only man who will ever carry the entirety of my heart and soul. and ive been there to watch out for you and pick you up at every tiny whimper and give you baths when you were congested and cradle you against me and know your my forever. its been very hard, living in this very confusing state of mind that i let my life pass me by just to have you but in truth, as god tells me time and time again, i made the right chioce and you Xa'Kaevyan Kohl are my life...i Love you son.

Your mom
Tyasia.S.C (better known as Xa'Kaevyans Mommy)